Labo Party

I apologize for my absence. I’ve been working on a few things that needed my attention. I’m back though to preach the goodness of getting to know others and the different cultures they may represent. Holler.

I can’t help but bring attention to the Labo Parties of Japan. No, not a party party (gulp, gulp, puff puff, etc.) This type of party brings the youth of a community together to a Labo teacher’s office to engage in practicing English. In the midst of rapid internationalism in the 60’s, these language lab gatherings became very popular.

It goes beyond just a student-teacher relationship. According to www.labo-exchange.com:

“Labo offers an integrated program of language learning, cultural awareness, and personal discovery and growth. Dedicated Labo staff and volunteer leaders work to help children grow into well-rounded, open-minded, and responsible members of society.”

Here’s another LABO effort by my girlfriend’s mom.  The Nakai Labo Party focuses on cultivating English skills for community children via literature and songs.  Nearing its 20th anniversary, the Nakai Labo Party continues its success year after year.

We, here in the states, reflect this effort with the many immersion schools that focus on a particular language within a school. I’m excited to see whether or not such efforts extend into more underrepresented languages and culture. Such and intense method of learning with a auxiliary focus on community building is a great medium to teach unknown cultures of the world in a nurturing atmosphere.

Hug One Another

Imagine arriving in Polynesia.  You unexpectedly meet a native man and want to shake hands, but instead you’re surprised that he comes into your personal space and embraces you warmly.  On top of this man hug, you get a few solid pats on the back.

This is a customary greeting to visitors from one man to another in Polynesia, according to Roger E Axtell, author of many cultural literacy books.  Love and life are two important aspects of greeting from the islands.  Everyone knows the greeting “Aloha” from Hawaii.  Did you know that aside from ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye,’ the word also means ‘love’?

The Polynesian Cultural Center has an online newsletter that updates webizens about what’s going on around the island nations.  The site also has blurbs and bits about Polynesian culture and events.

For example: “Most other Polynesians use a greeting word that falls into the ‘life”‘category. For instance, when a Maori from New Zealand says kia ora or a Tahitian bids you iaorana, he’s really wishing you ora — life! Incidentally, Samoans sometimes say soifua for goodbye, which is really a respectful way of saying ‘live!’”

With such a warm way to embrace a stranger, as well as a culture of expression love and live to one another, I sure would like an island vacation.  And you?

From the Neck and Up

I’ll be honest.  I’ve never really had to wear a tie to too many occasions.  I’ve been to a few weddings, some events in NY and an interview here and there, and the thing that I was most self-conscious about were not my underarms, my hair or my skin.  It was my tie!

“There’s one thing to look good, but another thing to look plain awkward,” said my recruiter.

I take that to heart, because she’s right.  Just because you have a suit on doesn’t really mean you’re wearing it the right way.  The one thing that stands out is your tie, especially.  I freaked out before an interview because I didn’t really know how to tie a tie.  I knew the basic mechanics, but that wasn’t enough.

Have you seen the trainers at Dog Shows?  They wear biggest full-windsor knots I have ever seen.  It looks like they can fit an entire phone, or maybe some snacks inside those things.

Here’s a nifty graphic I found that I keep solely upon my desktop incase I ever forget:

If all else fails, there are sites like Tie-a-Tie.net, made for the necktie incompetent, such as myself. 

Anyway, it’s such a small thing that can make a huge impression without you knowing it.  All I am saying is take the 10-minutes or so to learn to tie a necktie properly, if you don’t already know.

The DAP Greeting and Beyond

We do it when we don’t even realize it.  Especially the guys.  When you see a person that you haven’t seen for a while, ever engage in the hand clasp, followed by a one-handed/armed hug?  It’s a common, close greeting, especially between male friends.  It’s the “pound hug.”

Before that, a common greeting was a quick “pound” of the hand, often imitating a sole round of “bloody-knuckles.”  It’s quick, respected and revered. 

The “dap,” which stands for “dignity and pride” is a greeting that came from the 60’s, from the African-American community, according to this wiki post.  From this foundation, the greeting spread throughout popular culture, evolving into many other forms of dap greeting, with added shakes, slaps, knocks and half-hugs.

Now it’s all over the place, from greetings between schoolyard friends to even on TV, where hip-hop stars are but just one group of people that use the greeting.

While some argue that the pound hug is a machismo defense mechanism against engaging in a real hug between males due to homophobic feelings, many others note the pound hug as an ever-evolving greeting.  While the romans had the forearm clasps between its brothers in war, close male friends engage in their daps and pound hugs to show a similar respect.

It’s interesting to imagine what the next type of greeting will be.  Just like fashion, where retro outfits come in an out of fashion, is the hand greeting facing a forward evolution, or a more complex throwback with its advancement?  I for one will be trying to bring the Roman arm-clasp back into glory.

Subtleties of Greeting

Is it just me, or have people stopped using “Good Afternoon” and “Good Evening” outside of formal speeches and presentations? Good morning is alive and well, considering we say it to our significant others, children, siblings, parents, etc. But what of “good afternoon, dad!” or “Good evening, mother” (even that seemed like a strange Buster Bluth moment to me.)

In an age where “hey” and “what’s up” are very much common, even in the professional workplace, our subtlety in greetings seems lost. We spend more time texting and emailing that once meeting up with someone in person, a greeting is often done with minimal effort. Especially the cro-magnon head nod that a lot of guys do.

Maybe I am an idealist, but hey, it would be nice to bring back the persuasive, enthusiastic greeting. Besides, if you don’t even greet a person with effort, what type of impression might you give without even knowing?

Expressing yourself in another language: even better! But, know the subtleties as well! Here’s a common problem in Spanish:

While “buenos dias!” is good morning,

“Buenas tardes” is good afternoon, and “buenas noches” is good evening.

They do not all begin with “buenos.” It may seem trite, and tricky, but imagine butchering a greeting in front of someone you’ve met when it really counted… not the greatest feeling.

If you need practice with these “saludos” and other aspects of Spanish, but are too embarrassed to seek help from others, the Internet is a bounty of audio recordings and practice pages that you can study alone. When you’re alone, no one can make fun of you, right? Although, we all know that we learn much more with a native speaker. Until you muster that courage up, here’s an example of a site with simple explanations and usage along with audio samples from elearnspanishlanguage.com.

Another misuse brought to my understanding is in Chinese: the difference between Ni Hao and Nin Hao. While the former is used to address people you know and share conversations with, the latter is a more formal greeting, used for superiors. However, both are just substitutions for more traditional greetings.

Chinatourmap.com has a fun dialog emulating a radio show, where readers can learn basic Chinese greetings and vocab. There’s also portion of the site dedicated to researching and planning trips to China, if interested. Similar to the Spanish site, you can listen and learn on your own, if that makes you more comfortable. Nothing beats learning from a native speaker though!

Communication is so complex and diverse. However, it can be used to create lasting, memorable impressions and relationships. The more we know, the better off we will be in this crazy world.

Smiling Counts

Before a word is even said, a great first impression can be made by simply smiling. The smile is an archaic gesture, with  an unknown origin, and is shared by all ethnicities. At least we aren’t like certain members of the animal kingdom, where a tooth-bearing smile could mean you’re threatening a rival to a fight!

Be honest though. The Duchenne smile, a smile that involves the mouth and the corners of your eyes, is known to be done out of pure affection and emotion. It’s hard to replicate, unless you want someone calling you out on it!

(from smile-video.com)

A smile can lead to a great conversation, interesting ideas and the start of a great relationship. From those relationships, varying opportunities can rise. Imagine beginning a meeting with a snarl or a frown. Odd huh?

Within Mercedes Alfaro’s article titled, “Business Manners: an Important Ingredient to Success,” she places an important emphasis on smiling, noting:

“A smile shows that you like yourself; you like your current place in the world and you’re happy with the people you’re interacting with. No one will say you’re crabby if you’re smiling. A smile says, I’m approachable and confident.”

The power of good natured business, relationships and diplomacy via smiling and being amicable has even made it to books, such as Paul Spiegelman’s Why Is Everyone Smiling?

With so many advocates of smiling for success, perhaps we should practice more of it as well, letting go of the stereotypical oh-so-serious business model.

On a More Subtle Note: Gas.

So say you have that big date coming, or perhaps a client meeting soon. Meetings and gatherings that occur later in the day often have many factors that we may not think of at first glance.

A friend of mine asked me the other day, “Okay, so you’ve been explaining how to say hello and make a great first impression and all that. Tell me this: when I meet people later in the day, I’m sometimes bloated and gassy from the meals I’ve already consumed, which makes my meetings not so great sometimes. What kind of things can we do to prevent any embarrassing gaseous events from occurring?”

My pal was talking about burps and farts, yes, farts. Gas isn’t the greatest thing to have, especially during an important business meeting or romantic encounter. Don’t feel too bad if you do have a lot of gas during the day. According to VitalStatistics.info, the average human passes gas about 14 times per day.

If gas is an issue for your love life or career, there are many resources online and off that can help reduce bloating, before it results in something not so appealing. An article from Howstuffworks.com explains a few remedies for excess gas. One that I thought applies to many people, especially the busy and on-the-go is:

“Don’t stuff yourself. The more food in the gut, the more gas buildup. Eat light meals. And eat more slowly– you’ll swallow less air.”

In other words, take your time! Calming down and enjoying your meal will also reduce your stress level and the chances of having an upset stomach before your next big meeting.

A common cause of excess gas is lactose intolerance. I peeked on Wiki and read that for those of us who are lactose intolerant (represent!,) it means we cannot metabolize lactose properly. Since lactose is not absorbed into the bloodstream, it moves on to our large intestine, where other enteral bacteria chow down, creating copious amounts of gas via fermentation.

A small diet change can rid your body of excess gas, bloating and possible embarrassing situations. The Everything Lactose-Free cookbook by Jan McCracken explains many lactose-free or low-lactose alternative recipes for many favorite dishes. By adjusting a few ingredients, you can still enjoy many of your favorite foods without the excess gas.

Even if gas is an everyday part of life, there are a few things we can do to reduce the possibility of an embarrassing situation. Especially when that situation is job-related. Also, you feel a lot better about yourself, especially during a situation where you’re going to meet someone new if you’re in tip-top shape and not bloated.

Relationship Repair

Someone suggested this great article to me about apologizing. So say you made an awful impression or decision that led to a bit of discomfort or disappointed by your peers and colleagues. You can apologize, but are you doing it properly?

“The Art of the Apology” from Conde Nast’s Portfolio.com highlights the reasons why apologizing is so powerful. While many of us prideful folks might sidestep an opportunity to apologize when we are in the wrong, Holly Weeks’ article gives reason why considering an apology is the way to go.

Weeks states, “offering an apology is not a sign of weakness, nor does it amount to backing down. On the contrary, offering an apology can be a potent reputation enhancer.”

Also, don’t make too general of an apology. Show exactly where you faulted and how you want to mend the situation. It only shows that you are genuine about repairing a relationship, while improving your reputation along the way.

Really, if we cannot nut up and consider how important certain relationships are in our lives and business, we are really nothing more than children.

The Cost of Immersion

Since this blog’s conception, the topics have focused on ways to say hello, how to make a great first impression as well as how to stay culturally connected to improve the relationships one may make. Looking for another angle to write about, I came across an anecdote from an English teacher working with Tibetan monks.

In the article “Heart of Gold: Buddhist Monks in Tibet” by Sezgi Yalin from Glimpse.org, Yalin commits two forbidden acts for the sake of immersing herself in Tibetan customs and working abroad: 1. entering Tibet without proper permissions, and 2. teaching English to four Tibetan monks. Yalin recalls many details about her stay and her interactions with Tashi, a monk who looked after the traveler. A majority of the trip is spent dodging Chinese police, but the experiences are extraordinary, noteworthy and genuine.

Imagine that type of social stigma and sacrifice to get the job done. Yalin is an inspiration to me and I hope others.

WTSH: Online Impressions

In this day and age, people meet people online all of the time, whether they admit it or not. I don’t just mean sending an e-mail to someone you’ve never met to hound them for a job or favor. I’m talking about dating, video games, forums and the lot.

This post touches upon something that I’ve always been interested in: gamer impressions and etiquette.

Though people come and go in most first-person shooters (FPS,) unless you create some sort of league or team to compete with, I often think of the Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPG) with the most interaction and community building. One that sticks out in particular: World of Warcraft.

From my own experience from once playing (Pallies rule!) and reading a few blogs of others concerned with the game’s culture, there are many interesting connections between how people play and how impressions are made within the game. Interestingly enough, it even bleeds into their real life on how gamer behavior slowly reflects the “irl” (in real life.)

A blogger by the name of Wolfie comments in his blog “The Unknown Gamer” that the way people act in the game is often a reflection of their own personalities in real life.

Offensive comments and messages often occur when a person does not play their role correctly.

For example,

The character “Dotty” does not deal an optimal amount of damage. The party leader “Crabcakes” may retort:

“Dude, you suck. You’re so gay.”

Dotty might respond: “I’m not gay, you’re gay.”

Crabcakes, depending on his gamer etiquette and personal ethic, might immediately assume that Dotty is Chinese (a common racial stereotype within WoW) and tell him to quit and go back to China.

It’s a really odd escalation of events, jumping from sexual orientation to supposed ethnicity. It’s downright absurd, especially if you are reading this from a non-gamer point of view. Considering how many hours people spend playing the game, these online personas can really emulate if not, represent their true identities.

Guilds form through gameplay, creating small communities of players. They often join a ventrilo server, a program used to communicate via microphones, improving gameplay and communications, while in the meantime, forging online friendships. Quite often, players use more colorful dialogue, especially during intense play. This dialogue is often borderline racist, sexist and generally offensive.

Lesson 4: Learn how to mind your manners. (Doofus: The Podcast!)

It gets so bad that there are gamers whom have created Podcasts on ventrilo politeness and how to become a better person on “Vent,” such as the site Doofus: The Podcast!

What makes gamer interaction so different than talking to other people in general. In the game, it seems effortless to insult someone’s sex, religion, creed, race, etc. completely based on how they play the game (hello?  it’s just a game =P)  Many gamers are of middle-age, working professional jobs. Do they use this same attitude at work? Perhaps they mask their true identities with an overaggressive gamer facade.  Or is it vice versa?

I leave you with this. Whether online or offline, the good and bad impressions we make upon others are still impressions. Etiquette should be held beyond either the real or digital realm. If we lose sight of this, or lie to ourselves, what kind of people would we be? Just a thought.